The Mystery of the Mangled Dildo on the Unsanctioned Roof Deck (NSFW)

I glanced out my kitchen window to spy what appeared to be brutally disfigured anatomically correct dildo lying on my roof. My first thought, after a generalized what the fuck?, was that this was some sort of retribution from neighbors above or below. But upon further inspection, I realized it couldn’t possibly be so simple.

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